Instructions for Giving your Kitty a Pill (Joke)

From time to time your little feline friend gets sick and the Vet will prescribe some pills, tablets or capsules as a remedy. Use the following directions for administering them:
1)Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cat's cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens it's mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2)Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3)Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4)Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to the back of the mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5)Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.
6)Kneel on the floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered antique china cups from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow pill down drinking straw.
9)Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10)Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door on neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11)Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12)Phone fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the street. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13)Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves in shed, force cat's mouth open with tongs. Push pill injto mouth followed by a large piece of hamburger. Hold cat's head verticallyand pour a pint of water down the throat to wash pill down.
14)Get spouse to drive you to the emerency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Stop at furniture shop on the way home to order a new table.
15)Take cat to vet to get more pills.